In class last week, I read something that was written with a great deal of emotion behind it, about compliments. Or, rather, "compliments." You see the difference, right?
So, this week, let's continue that discussion here.
1. What was your gut reaction to what I read in class? Anger? Fear? Scorn? Something else?
2. Did what you heard change anything about the way you envision catcalling?
3. This question will require heroic honesty on your part, about what you believe. NO ONE WILL JUDGE YOU.
Do you think girls or boys are primarily to blame to the way women are treated by men in Oakcrest society, AND society at large?
Lots to think and talk about.
I look forward to your usual honesty, insight, and brilliance <3
What you read in class sounded so familiar to real life cases of "cat calling". My reaction was disgust. It disgusts me how hurtful and violating "compliments" can be. What I heard didn't change the way I envision cat calling. I've always seen it that way. It's not flattering. I believe that most of the time girls are to blame for how women are treated. Women should set the standards. Don't get me wrong, sometimes even though standards are set boys still can violate them. But if more girls change how they allow men to treat them, there would be a difference.
ReplyDeleteI would have to agree with Amanda, it is disgusting. I still see it as a reoccurring issue in the world and more specifically, our school. A place where children should feel safe, not sexually harassed. Isn’t that ironic? If I was a victim of cat calling, I would feel so disrespected to be talked to that way. One main issue is that people do respond making it seem okay for others to continue the “complimenting.”
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DeleteThe thing we were read in class literally gave me chills. Hearing what men will say and threaten to do while cat calling is so scary, we live in an extremely scary world. But the fact that things like that are happening in the halls of our high school is baffling, I don’t know what makes people think its okay to make others feel extremely uncomfortable in front of their peers but it needs to stop. I do not blame anyone more than another for this, guys and girls are both to blame. The guys for doing it but the girls for not doing anything to stop it. If we don’t do anything to stop it then it'll never end and guys will never learn or understand the long term effect cat calling has on people. Yes, girls love compliments but not in the form of cat calling but if that’s the only way you know how to do it then you can keep your "compliments" to yourself, thanks.
ReplyDeleteMy initial reaction to what you read to us in class was unbelievable. Unbelievable that some men feel like it's okay to treat and say some of the things the do to women. Unbelievable that almost every women has been catcalled at least once in their life. The reading definitely opened up my eyes even though I feel pretty much the same way about catcalling as the author. Ultimately, as much as I'd love to say that women are completely innocent in this circumstance that is definitely not that case. I know from personally experience that several times guys would say stuff to me and instead of turning around and slapping them in the face like I should've, I would just walk away uncomfortably. Mainly because it was just easier not to get involved. However this let them think it was okay to catcall. Sadly this would set the next girl, that was walking by, up to be in a uncomfortable situation. Instead of just taking the easy way out, it's necessary for women to learn to stick up for themselves and say something to these men so they understand that what they are doing is not okay.
ReplyDeleteI honestly have to say what you read in class broke my heart, only because i experienced it myself. "Catcalling", all men do it, and all women experienced it. Believe it or not but some GIRLS, not women, actually respond to that nonsense. Me, I would never. No matter how much I wanted to smack every guy that catcalls me, I just walk away like it doesn't bother not once. But its sad seeing Oakcrest students, lean up against the wall and think its okay to so called "catcall' girls, or stop them from getting to class just cause they want a hug or something. Its just unbelievable what I see that goes on around the school with my own eyes. But not only around the school, out in public too. I have a lot more to say, but words cant even explain how i feel about situations like that.
ReplyDeleteMy reaction to the video that we watched in class was disgusted. Disgusted that boys actually believe they are complimenting us females. As a victim of catcalling, I can relate to the video. The video didn't change my view on catcalling because I was always against and disgusted by it to begin with. Whenever I am catcalled I usually just roll my eyes and keep walking, because they sound so pathetic. Clearly, that isn't enough though for boys to understand that most females don't take it as compliments and how they just need to stop. However, there are some girls who do get gassed when they're cat called, not realizing that they probably said the same exact things to every girl that passed by. What we allow, will continue. If we all reacted when being cat called instead of just walking away, catcalling would probably happen less. Both in the real world and right here in the halls at Oakcrest. Both males and females are to blame. Males for simply doing it in the first place and females for not defending themselves when it does happen, therefore it continues. Catcalling needs to end and it needs to end now.
ReplyDeleteThe paper read in class makes me clench my teeth and ball my fists almost instantly. No woman, or man for that matter, should feel afraid to walk down the street because of words that are being thrown at them; ESPECIALLY in the hallways at Oakcrest. Although no one should feel this way, almost everyone is to blame, the boys for doing it and the girls for not sticking up for themselves. I’ll even admit that I’m guilty of just walking away and pretending I didn’t hear anything. That needs to change. Girls shouldn’t have anxiety wash over them while walking by a group of boys standing at the corner. Girls shouldn’t feel like they have to travel in packs so that they feel safer from the words being shouted at them. They’re just words, but words speak louder than actions and sometimes those words just happen to turn into actions. Catcalling is not a compliment, boys need to stop doing it and girls need to either respond in a way that shows their strength or not at all.
ReplyDeleteI remember walking on the streets of New York with my parents, at this specific time I was 10 years old. Walking several yards ahead of us were three young women who couldn't have been older than 20. As we were walking, I specifically remember these two grown black men leaning up against one of the buildings. The three women ahead of us casually walked by then one of the men gave them the "up-down look" and shouted "Hey babydoll, you lookin fine" as the other one laughed. The three young women continued on as if they didn't hear a thing. At that time, I thought that it was appropriate to recognize beautiful women through such expressions. It wasn't until it happened to me did I realize that in no way is that appropriate. After hearing what you read in class, I felt this sort of sickness in my stomach. It's scary that men do this to women. Cat calling is not a compliment and it doesn't make anyone feel good, it makes them feel scared because at that point the victim is not seen as a human being, they are seen as an object that needs no respect, and when you see people like this, rape and harassment is justified in their heads. Having these discussions in class made me realize how much cat calling actually takes place. I didn't realize it was such a regularly occurring event that it has negatively impacted the lives of so many women. The blame game in this case would be an endless cycle of "he wouldn't do this if she didn't do that and she wouldn't do this if he didn't do that". Both sides are to blame however I see the scale of blame leaning more towards the men. A women shouldn't have to hide her body, yes, however, completely negating decency and self respect by exposing ones self inappropriately is, for a lack of better words... just asking for it. When we dress, we are asking for some type of reaction. If I were to dress up in business attire, then I must be asking for respect where ever I am. If I were to wear a formal gown, and do my hair and makeup in some type of elegant way, then I must be trying to get attention as this beautiful girl. If I am walking down the street with my bare ass hanging out and a see through shirt exposing me boobs, then I'm asking for attention from uncivilized men lurking the allies. Now, in the case that I am not asking for it, then the males are even more wrong. Under no circumstance is it okay to shout such vile things like its acceptable. I wish those women who like that type of attention realized that this is not the way to be treated. Being called "bitch" is not a compliment. A bitch is a female dog, we are not dogs.
ReplyDeleteI remember walking on the streets of New York with my parents, at this specific time I was 10 years old. Walking several yards ahead of us were three young women who couldn't have been older than 20. As we were walking, I specifically remember these two grown black men leaning up against one of the buildings. The three women ahead of us casually walked by then one of the men gave them the "up-down look" and shouted "Hey babydoll, you lookin fine" as the other one laughed. The three young women continued on as if they didn't hear a thing. At that time, I thought that it was appropriate to recognize beautiful women through such expressions. It wasn't until it happened to me did I realize that in no way is that appropriate. After hearing what you read in class, I felt this sort of sickness in my stomach. It's scary that men do this to women. Cat calling is not a compliment and it doesn't make anyone feel good, it makes them feel scared because at that point the victim is not seen as a human being, they are seen as an object that needs no respect, and when you see people like this, rape and harassment is justified in their heads. Having these discussions in class made me realize how much cat calling actually takes place. I didn't realize it was such a regularly occurring event that it has negatively impacted the lives of so many women. The blame game in this case would be an endless cycle of "he wouldn't do this if she didn't do that and she wouldn't do this if he didn't do that". Both sides are to blame however I see the scale of blame leaning more towards the men. A women shouldn't have to hide her body, yes, however, completely negating decency and self respect by exposing ones self inappropriately is, for a lack of better words... just asking for it. When we dress, we are asking for some type of reaction. If I were to dress up in business attire, then I must be asking for respect where ever I am. If I were to wear a formal gown, and do my hair and makeup in some type of elegant way, then I must be trying to get attention as this beautiful girl. If I am walking down the street with my bare ass hanging out and a see through shirt exposing me boobs, then I'm asking for attention from uncivilized men lurking the allies. Now, in the case that I am not asking for it, then the males are even more wrong. Under no circumstance is it okay to shout such vile things like its acceptable. I wish those women who like that type of attention realized that this is not the way to be treated. Being called "bitch" is not a compliment. A bitch is a female dog, we are not dogs.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmm........ in all honestly its girls who are to blame. Not all but a few guys I know think catcalling is a great way to hook up. Ive seen them do it and it worked almost every time. The girls respond in a positive way too. But after hearing some guy catcall my girlfriend and seeing her reaction(she cried all night) I fully realized the impact it must have. Feeling scared to go places because of some guy who cant control himself. Animals send out calls to attract mates. Guess we didn't evolve too much huh?
ReplyDeleteI was truly perplexed of what I heard from the catcalling. I was perplexed at the point that some men think that verbally abusing someone sexually is either funny or attractive, like what makes a person think that it would be a good idea? I at first thought catcalling was only to the expense where people call out "you are beautiful" or "Yeah can a man get a girl's digits" which I think is an acceptable catchall if it is even considered it. The phrases that I hear from the discussion sounds like men are planning to rape the women instead of trying to get with them. There is definitely a difference between complimenting on someone's figure and telling them what the male will do to it. There is blame in both the male and the female in the situation in that males should be taught what is socially right in society to talk about and what isn't. Female is also to blame in that most of them expect the males to make the moves first, so because of the many sexual themed things on social media and the fact that society told males that girls like assholes, it makes sense how so males think it is ok to catcall.
ReplyDeleteAs Bunj read the real feelings finally put into words, I could feel the chills running down my arms. My initial reaction to what was read was less anger than it was excitement because as those words entered the room, they were actually sinking in and if more people heard that I know more people would stop because they would understand how much fear and disgust that they give the receivers of their calls. Cat calling has always made me loosen the strap on my back back to cover my butt as much as possible and to walk a little quicker as to not be gawked at and the story wasn’t able to change it but it made me feel much less alone in that feeling. In Oakcrest, I don’t so much fear for my safety, I’m just temporarily disgusted. In the real world though, that’s where I am happy that I have never been anywhere legitimately unsafe without someone there with me to make sure nothing more than names were called because the words that are heard as threats are absolutely terrifying. The women I know tend to want someone who will respect them enough to not use a cat call to try to lure them in. I blame men who think it is okay and complimentary to speak in that manner to someone who they think is physically appealing. The girls who respond to the garbage cat calls are to blame just as well because they encourage that garbage behavior. Being a decent human being and not speaking to people like they are less human and more just a sex object doesn’t seem that difficult but if it is this much of a common thing and a terrifying problem then I guess they just haven’t been educated that far yet. They need to be schooled in 204.
ReplyDeleteWhen you first read this poem to us in class last year I was immediately in awe and happy. I was in awe at how accurately and eloquently the author was able to describe the horror that is all too real for women all around the world. I was happy that someone finally was able give our struggle a voice. Being scared to walk home or drink too much, even just walking in the hallway between classes because of what someone might do or say to you. Catcalling is offensive, degrading and disrespectful and often leads to rape and many forms of unwanted physical contact between the victim and the culprit. I believe that this has become such a large part of society because men find it acceptable to treat women this way after all there are zero consequences for this form of harassment. And I think a lot of women have allowed this to go on and that’s why it has become so prevalent in today’s society. Whether they enjoy this kind of treatment or simply disregard it, allowing men to believe that this is okay cannot continue. As women we must take charge of this situation and work to find a solution. Catcalling is not a sign of endearment; it is disgusting and should stop.
ReplyDeleteI've known of cat calling for a while now. I have experienced it first hand, so when I heard the paper being read aloud I put myself in the woman shoes. I couldn't help but be confused. My first reaction was a question, "Why?". I've never felt afraid of catcalling. I'd like to consider myself as a brave young woman so when these "men" that act like boys say these things I ignore them. Why would I allow myself to believe in their words and their words only? I don't think less of myself because of their "complements". I am proud of who I am and I would not allow a simple "man" on the street to change my feelings about myself and my perspective of the future (real) men that I encounter. I believe both parties of girls and boys are to blame in the way women are treated by boys at Oakcrest. Boys for the fact that catcalling is stupid. It's a way to show off to their homeboys that they can "get" the ladies and that they are going through puberty, and in the stages of becoming a "man". Women are also at fault for taking their complements to heart. By giving them the attention that they want it lets them win. By letting the "compliment" sink into our heart and devour are self love makes us lose. The point is these boys need to grow up and women have to let their "complements" go like the wind. I hope by saying all of this doesn't make me sound like some heartless witch.
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ReplyDeleteI feel like cat calling is obviously wrong but there's a reason why boys do it. For one if a guy were to properly greet himself to a women she wouldn't appreciate his kindness until she is badly treated which is bad for both sides. It dehumanizes a women with harassment and it undervalues a mans feelings. Boys cat call because it works on some girls unfortunately. My reaction is disappointment. It doesn't change my opinion because I've always had this opinion. Both sides have their wrongs but it takes both sides to make right
DeleteWhen the letter was read, I was astonished by what was said to her. It's disgusting to see other males do this. But something that I believe is very important to know is that not all men do this, I don't. I have have. My vision of cat calling was something someone can just brush off. I didn't think anything of it besides it's sheer indecency to think someone can talk to a woman like that. When so many violent thoughts were read as a product of cat calling, it was heart breaking o see and hear of a woman falling asleep to thoughts like that. No one deserves that. When it comes to the Oakcrest society, I believe boys aren't taught to be sexually responsible enough and have the manners to not cat call. Granted, some boys don't cat call at all. But for those who do, need to know what they are doing. As well as what society is as a whole. There needs to be more respect for the female body. That includes not making it so sexualized and seeing it as a work of art.
ReplyDeleteThe first time I had ever experienced “cat-calling” was when I was 16 years old working on the beach in Ventnor City. An old man told me to take my bikini top off and show him something as a favor to him showing me his beach tag. I remember him sitting there repeatedly calling me ‘Babygirl’ and telling me how hot I was. I was frozen and felt like my heart had dropped to my stomach. Not only was I disgusted but I have never felt more like just an object than I did in that moment. I remember when my ex-boyfriend called me babygirl one time and I got the same exact feeling. Of course he was just trying to be cute but that word still had the same effect as when the old man said it on the beach. Hearing what you read in class brought back those same feelings of disgust and feeling like less of a person. These “cat-calls” make me feel like the person I am is meaningless and I hate that feeling. I think that both boys and girls are to blame in this situation. Some girls actually love this kind of attention and crave it. This makes the boys just do it more and believe that every girl is fond of this kind of ‘compliment’.
ReplyDeleteBefore hearing what bunje read the page about cat calling I was oblivious to how females felt. I've never done it but witnessed it many times and thought nothing of it. I never once thought about how it made the woman feel, never did I think it would make them feel scared. It was shocking to me hearing the story from the other perspective for the first time. It completely changed my position on cat calling and I've called out many people who have done it around me because now I think how the woman that just had to experience that must have felt. I feel as though the blame rest on both sides. The woman that glorify that behavior doom all other woman to have to go through that but also it goes back to the saying that "chivalry is dead" because that is no way to approach a woman and never will be. I look at it as if you wouldn't want someone to do it to your mother don't do it at all.
ReplyDeleteChills ran down my spine as Bunje read the article on “cat-calling”. Before that day I was already familiar with this article yet it the emotions I felt from it were just as vivid as the day I first heard it. I’ve experienced cat-calling just about my entire life, I would witness it happen to my mother and watch as she either ignored the “compliments” or decided to take a stand. About two or so weeks ago was the first time I was actually afraid when someone cat-called me. It was around 10p.m. and I was walking into Walmart, alone. As I walked into the automatic doors of Walmart, and older black man whistled at me and shouted “God-damn babygirl, bring that over here. How old are you, sweetie? How ‘bout cha come my way? Huh?” And for the first time I have never felt so afraid, so weak, so verbally abused. The words “babygirl” and “sweetie” had never felt so painful before. Normally, I would’ve said something, because normally, it would’ve been some teenage boy saying something to me, not a 40-something year old man and his friends. But instead, as that man took a step closer to me, I buried my head into my phone, had my car keys faced outward through my fingers and practically ran into the store. So when the article was read, I immediately got a knot in the bottom of my stomach and all of that fear came rushing back to me. All of a sudden my heart was racing again, just like I was back at the entrance of Walmart and the words were being thrown at me and my safety net was being compromised. As much as I hate to say it, cat-calling is a large issue in Sunny Oakcrest. It’s a shame that I can’t seem to walk down the hallway without some boy making a comment or whistling at me (it happens literally all of the time). However, boys are not the only ones at fault here, the girls who feed into these “compliments” are the ones that keep these boys going. On the other hand, the girls like me, who say absolutely nothing and just roll their eyes, also keep them going. To them, I didn’t say anything, so they feel as though they can do it again, and again, and even again.
ReplyDeleteWhat you read in class was an eye-opener and made me realize how some girls react to catcalling. Nobody should have to feel un-comfertable anywhere for any reason. The piece MS. Bunje read changed everything. Me personally was never the one to catcall, if i made coments it would be to myself but even if the lady cant hear it im still disrespecting her. honestly i dont think i would put the blame on the boys or girls of oakcrest on why the halls are the way they are. I mean its human nature for boys to be attracted to girls but some people just take it to far. girls and boys.
ReplyDeleteIt's akin to a verbal molesting of a girl, if that makes any sense. It's wrong and isn't likely to get them the 'affection' they seek anyway. Of course, if cat-callers, well, cat-call, they must have gotten their expectations of positive reactions somewhere. One might blame the lady that decided a cat-caller deserved a date, but that's just assumptions. I always knew cat-calling existed, and I never could accept its existence, or at least the subtext that most cat-calling has under the compliments. Is it weird that these conversations make me uncomfortable? It's just when all of last week's conversations about cat-calling focused on the evils of men and how men are verbally abusive, it makes a guy feel uncomfortable being apart of the conversation, you know. And, this is just me, but when we did the self-image/attractiveness of girls on the chalkboard, I was expecting us to follow up with the girls saying what they found attractive in guys, and the guys following up on the chalkboard. I understand that focusing on the girls fit more in with the cat-calling, but I don't exactly subscribe to the "Guy's don't have self-image issues!" or "Men don't have emotional problems!" that I think has cemented itself as truth in a lot of people's minds. But, in the words of Riley, that's just my personal opinion.
ReplyDeleteWhen you read to us the paper I wasn't affected by it. I have many female friends so I know about all the things they get told. Can't help but feel bad for girls who have to deal with that on a regular day basis. When I hear cat calling I tend to wonder more about the guy and why he acts the way he does. The blame can go to either one. Some girls ask for that kind of attention then later want to act innocent. Some guys are flat out disrespectful and do not care. Or maybe we blame the cat callers parents for failing to teach their son how to treat women.
ReplyDeleteMy original reaction to the cat calling reading was disgust, but not surprise, this is something that happens every day, and it will never change unless our generation does. it didn't change anything I envision about cat calling, however, I do think both males and females are to blame for cat calling. its a possible never ending cycle.
ReplyDeleteI was really enlightened when you were talking about the cat calling. Simply because EVERYTHING that you was reading was exactly what happens in the hallways of this school. You described it perfectly. My honest feelings about cat calling is that I'm not a fan of it. I've done it a couple times but afterwards I felt like a terrible guy honestly. Now I would joke around with it, like I would go up to a girl and say sum thin slick then laugh and say "side I'm just playin" and we would both laugh. So I would like say "yo you sexy as hell let me get a kiss cutie" and then I would say "sike I'm just kidding" and she would laugh and I would laugh and then I'd give her a hug and walk away. But the way you was reading it in clas was 100% accurate to what happens in this school.
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